How to Communicate with a Loved One and Minimize Conflict

Communicating with others is not talked about enough in my opinion. A person's communication habits can make or break a relationship. Relationships are what make up our support system. It does not matter if we are talking about friendships, intimate relationships or familial relations, everyone in our lives impact the way we feel about ourselves. This is especially important if you are dealing with stressful life events or facing mental health challenges. Having the right support system, and the right people in our lives impacts the way we overcome our adversities. 

I for one, was never great at expressing how I felt. Although I am still trying to finesse the art of communicating, I have dealt with my fair share of toxic relationships due to poor communication. Overtime, the inability to share my feelings morphed into resentment. This, in turn, caused me to feel trapped in my friendships which had a grave effect on my mental health. I share this story in hopes to illustrate just how vital something seemingly minuscule can be in our everyday lives. 

But why do we develop poor communication patterns? Sometimes, these habits develop out of a fear of confrontation. Humans are social animals and will do what they can to preserve relationships and avoid becoming a social pariah. Sometimes, individuals will keep their issues to themselves out of a fear of confrontation. People can sometimes fear that sitting down with someone to talk about their issues will result in an argument that will end the relationship. This, however, is not true. 'Confrontation' is good and does not always have to end up in a heated argument if we execute it correctly. In fact, I believe that sitting down with someone to talk about your issues is a representation of how much you care for the relationship and want to make it work. Therefore, I have listed a couple reminders and techniques to utilize when you are dealing with conflicts. 

Firstly, think about what bothers you and why. When our boundaries have been crossed, or we feel angry, our first instinct can be to 'jump into action' and respond immediately. This can have a domino effect and cause greater problems if we have not thought about what it is that bothers us and why. 

So, take the time to sit down and ask yourself what it was that your loved one did to upset you. Ask yourself why you think the individual acted in the way they did, and if they even intended to hurt you. In the past, anytime someone did something to upset me, I would immediately distance myself and prepare to end the relationship out of a fear of getting hurt. I would automatically assume that my loved one acted out of malice and was 'out to get me.' Now, I take the time to consider all options. I take the time to consider why I felt hurt and whether there is a problem worth bringing up. If you find that this is the case, reach out to your friend and set up a convenient time to meet face-to-face. 

One thing to remember is that it is best to communicate face-to-face in comparison to confronting someone over text. This is because messages are easily misconstrued and miscommunicated over the phone. Make sure to sit in a quiet place, with all distractions put away so that you can actively listen to your loved ones and hear their side of the story. 

Secondly, avoid using accusatory statements like "you always try to hurt me" or "you never listen to me." This will cause the other individual to feel attacked and will instead resort to defending themselves. This has the potential to trigger a heated argument. Instead, use 'I feel" statements so that the other person does not feel attacked. Using these statements helps keep the conversation on track and focused. 

Thirdly, focus on discuss the matter at hand. Do not stray and talk about things that occurred ten years ago, because that is a conversation for another time. Only talk about the specific event that caused you to feel hurt or angry. This makes it easier to find a solution and keep the conversation on track. 

Fourthly, if you have made a mistake, own up to it. Apologize where needed. People sometimes do not apologize or own up to their mistakes because they are afraid to do so, or they feel like it makes them weak. I used to think like this too, until I realized that apologizing not only takes courage, but it holds potential to strengthen the relationship. Owning up to our mistakes allows us to stay accountable and has room for personal growth. 

Remember to actively listen to your loved one and what they are telling you. This will help keep the conversation smooth. Empathize with your loved one and try to understand where they are coming from. This will make it easier to find a solution that works for the relationship. 

Finally, if you find that things are getting heated, take a time out and step away for a little bit. The key is to avoid getting into a heated argument because doing so may result in damaging the relationship further. So, take the time to breathe and gather yourself so that you can revisit the topic objectively. 

Developing good communication takes time and effort but it is worth it in the end. Not only does it allow you to build better relationships with stronger foundations, but overtime, you will realize that healthy communication can keep everyone happy. There will always be conflicts in a relationship. There will always be conflicts at home, or at work. The key is in knowing how to navigate these difficult situations and reap the benefits of doing so in the end.