Dealing with Low Self Esteem
We always talk about self-esteem and how we feel about ourselves, but sometimes it can be beneficial to sit down and think about what self-esteem is and what you can do to improve it.
Self-esteem in a nutshell is the way you feel and perceive yourself. When people refer to a healthy level of self-esteem, they mean that they generally feel confident in their abilities and strengths. They value themselves as a person and have a generally positive view of themselves. This is the ideal situation and has been something I have personally struggled with for as long as I can remember.
Low self-esteem on the other hand refers to a negative view that one may hold for themselves. It can involve not feeling good enough about yourself and focusing more on your weaknesses than strengths. It can involve feeling like a failure at times and basing your self-worth on things like external validation or achievements.
I have dealt with low self-esteem for years just like many people have. Growing up, I never thought of myself as smart, attractive, or capable. I always talked down to myself and never had faith in my abilities or strengths. The reason I am writing about this is because there are many repercussions of having low self-esteem. No one wants to wallow constantly or feel terrible all the time about themselves. Even though this is a common issue people deal with, we rarely sit down to try and overcome low self-esteem. Personally, I always thought that I was born with low self-esteem and that the way I viewed myself could never be altered. This, however, is not true. You can do the work to feel and perceive yourself in a healthy manner and that is what I will discuss throughout this post.
The first way to overcome low self-esteem is to do research around the topic. Research what it is, how it can manifest ad present itself. Research ways to overcome low self-esteem. Doing so will not only provide you with a plethora of knowledge to work from but gaining more knowledge can make you realize that you are not alone. It can cause you to understand that many people deal with this issue too and it is possible to overcome these adversities. Knowledge is power.
The second method involves getting out of your comfort zone. I have used this technique for around a year now and have never looked back. We all get nervous about doing certain things that are out of our comfort zone. After all, change can seem daunting or crazy. The issue arises when we shy away from new challenges and remain in our comfort zone. A lot of the times, this can create a cycle of reinforcement. Here is an example to reinforce this. I always used to feel lonely and unlovable. When I would get invited to parties or networking events, I would always turn them down because I felt so scared and anxious to put myself out there. On the one hand, I felt temporary relief as I no longer had to stress about leaving my safe space. On the other hand, I would feel even worse about myself because I felt like a failure for not putting myself out there and felt even lonelier.
The point I am attempting to make is that we all feel anxious about little or big things. Whether it is accepting a new job offer, moving to a new country, or even striking up a conversation with a stranger. Yet, the more you stay in your bubble, the harder it will be to come out of it each time you stay there. Therefore, doing something that makes you feel a little uncomfortable every day is a great thing. It will feel uncomfortable at first like anything is, but after a while, you will begin to see personal growth and feel better about yourself. You will begin to realize that you can 'put yourself out there' and try new things. I have utilized this technique for over a year now and I have never looked back.
A third method is to understand the way social media can impact your mental health. Social media is a common part of our daily routines. We use it everywhere we go and are surrounded and influences by social media platforms all the time. Understanding the way that social media can impact your mental health and self-esteem is vital because it may indicate that a change needs to be made. For instance, when I would deal with my depressive episodes and the self-loathing that came with it, I would often delete social media. Why? Because I always felt inferior compared to everyone else. I would forget that everyone posts their best selves on social media and instead compare my achievements to other people's. eventually, I had to sop this cycle by avoiding social media all together and deleting the apps. You do not have to make a change as drastic as this because everyone is different. Perhaps you might decide that putting your phone away for a couple hours in a day will suffice. The solution is different from everyone, but it is important to understand how our environment can impact the way we feel about ourselves. This in turn, allows you to take a step back and look at what needs to change and stay so that you can live at peace and feel better about yourself.
Finally, try to avoid the negative self-talk and basing your worth on external validation. The way we talk to ourselves greatly impacts the way we feel about ourselves.
Think about it. If you were constantly surrounded by friends that berated everything you did, you would avoid that person. You would probably feel awful about it. So why is it that we think it is okay to speak to ourselves in the same way? Furthermore, negative self-talk has probably become a habit for you, like it is for me. Overtime, it becomes difficult to tackle this issue if it has persisted for so long. That does not mean that it is impossible. I am still working on limiting the negative self-talk, but one thing that helps me reduce it is to catch and identify when I am talking negatively to myself. By doing this, you can then change the way you speak to yourself by saying nicer things. Instead of thinking "I am a failure," tell yourself that you are learning and that mistakes mean you have more to learn from. Additionally, it is helpful to realize that you are more than your achievements and successes. You are more than what people think of you. I always used to think I was ugly and treat myself in an awful way. I realized later, however, that I was more than the followers I had or the compliments I received. Realizing this brought me one step closer to working on myself and feeling better about it.
Obtaining a healthy level of self-esteem may seem daunting but it is not difficult to do so. One thing to take into consideration is that low self-esteem can be a risk factor for other mental health issues like depression.
If you are dealing with mental health issues, it is useful to receive professional help.
